Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Sharing Love

I'm not sure what to think about this morning's dream. Maybe something about sharing love?

I'm married. It is my honeymoon. He's sitting up in bed and I'm laying next to him. It feels like day light. I'm suddenly struck to take a moment and just stare at him. I'm married. It's so foreign feeling yet when I look at this man I'm happy, very happy. He's older. He's very handsome. He has straight salt & pepper hair (more salt than pepper). He has strong features and a square jaw. He's a football player. I feel like he's a southern gentleman.

He asks what I'm staring at. I'm speechless. I'm happy. I don't want to forget the feelings I have for him. He's thoughtful and romantic. He points to some gifts he's bought for me, for our honeymoon. I'm excited by him. I want to be with him.

I go to take a shower. I turn the water on hot. The water is getting cold so I turn up the heat to soak up the rest of the hot water. An older, 90 to 100 years, woman gets in the shower with me. She's fully clothed in a dark flowered dress. She keeps her back to me and doesn't speak. She behaves as if I'm not there. I hurry to get out. I'm alone again.

I feel as if I have nothing of my own. I have long, wet, curly hair. I want to comb it out. I see a table piled with grooming tools that belong to someone else. I feel guilty for not asking permission; I feel like I'm stealing. I use the hair pick, then a comb. The owners of the brushes and combs almost catch me using them.

I go back into the bedroom. I'm happy to be back with him. However, there is a feeling that the love I want can't be fully realized. I've chosen to live with it, and below the happiness there is an ever present acknowledgement that I've given up ever feeling completely satisfied and in love to my soul, even though he wants it too.

Maybe there is one true love. Maybe if you have it and you give it up you don't realize it until you come close to it again, and realize that the one missing thing is the thing you can never get back.

Or maybe, there is a message about privacy and sharing space. In the dream I have nothing of my own and that is not a state I expect to be in. I expect in my later life that I will have peace and love and live in my own home and be in a somewhat traditional setting.

In my dream I live in a shared setting which made me feel poor. At the same time, those things aren't really important. I've been working toward traditional but not really preparing for it along the way. It is important, but it isn't.

No comments:

Post a Comment