Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Liquid Love Story

This is an image of Romeo and Juliette from the cover of an audio book. The song in this post names them often.

Well day-before-yesterday's dream must have been important, because last night I had a dream with the same theme. I woke at 4:00 a.m. too hot to sleep and went back to bed half hour later. When I awoke the Taylor Swift song, Love Story, was going through my head (I listen to some music, but only when I'm in the car.) When I awoke the second time, again the song was blaring in my head, though I didn't remember my dream. When I got in the car to go to the doctor, what do you think was on the radio!?

In my dream I was a student in a classroom. The other students were very ethnic looking and it was like a glee club. Singing was a way of communicating, and it was also a method of transformation from one physical world to another. In the dream I was bored or feeling less good than the other students; I closed my eyes and started humming a deep, resounous tune and began to float away.

I floated to a place where there was water. I went swimming and it was luxurious and sensual and mystical. When I got out of the water my teacher was there. He wasn't a superior, but someone I had a deep emotional connection to. We had sex that wasn't like we were lovers, but it was like sharing a beautiful gift.

I'm still strong, bathing in the waters, being whole and complete, cleansed, floating...or maybe like amniotic fluid, the water represents an environment from which I emerge, reborn. But now I'm really confused by the love song and scene, and the coincidences...or are they? Is someone thinking about me? Sending a message?

Monday, September 21, 2009

Wash me in the water

I awoke feeling like I needed to cry. There is someone who feels like they've re-entered my life. I had put space between them and I to get some perspective and protect me from the drama that is unceasingly in their life. I'm crazy over this person and when they come back into my life the craziness begins all over again. I just don't get why I feel about them the way I do. If I perceive they are disappointed or annoyed in any way I feel so crushed. Is it hormones? Am I crazy? I don't know. No one is reading this anyway, so no one could understand.

I'm shopping for a new house...no, wait, I am not shopping for a new house but a mother figure is shopping for a new house. She's taken me and my sisters out of school for lunch. We're supposed to go back but I don't think that she will return us to school; it is not in her "plan".

I am feeling lost as I wait for her to return. I am abandoned. I am at the beach and I find security in the water. I have a feeling that speaks to me; it says "Fuck them. They don't know. I don't care. It won't hurt me." But I do care. And it does hurt. And I get into the surf.

It is rough and takes great physical effort to maintain equilibrium between the water and sky. It is hazy and I can not see a grounding point in front of or behind me. I am slightly confused and slightly scared but I am feeling strong enough to make it back to shore.

Back on shore, I am wearing yellow. My arms are bare. A girl compliments the strength in my body and says I should flex my arm. As I do so, I watch a very tan, very muscular arm bulge like a balloon, but slowly, and gracefully, and full of strength, and as the skin expands a pattern appears on the skin. It is a triangular design within a circular shape. The triangle is made of bricks and each brick has a symbol on it. It looks ancient, and the overall shapes, turns, curves and points look like Maori tattoo, and the color looks like henna, and the message looks like hieroglyphics.

And I am stunned, both dreaming and waking, by the importance of this occurrence, and that no one can see it but me. I want to know what it means. I want to understand its message and be prepared and safe and strong and useful.

There were more interesting parts in the dream that had to do with high school friends and lawyers and looking for a job. But the above posted part, especially the symbol on my arm, seems most mysterious, significant, and psychic.

And as I lie there remembering to remember the dream I am thinking about him. I am wondering what he is doing, does he know how much I love him, and how important it is to me for him to be happy and proud of me. And I want to cry because this is all making me feel crazy, because it is all on me. It is, must be, my imagination.

Does he get annoyed with me because he's really annoyed with himself? Does he love me the way I love him and he gets frustrated with that because he doesn't want it? Is he acting out? Am I imagining it? Am I imagining his staring eyes, dark smile, loud vibrations, or is it real?

Regardless, I am strong, I can flex, there is a message written under my skin that is ancient and important.

Sunday, September 13, 2009

Feeling my pain is a painful feeling

The artwork is by Zlatko Vassic. He's a fan and contributor to art, artists, artwork.

I had a lot to do this morning so I hope I can remember my dream. Terry Braley is an ex-boyfriend. He tried to kill me with a gun; when it wouldn't fire he hit me over the head with it. Every once in a while the scar tissue from the blow gives me pain in my skull; last night was one of those times.

In my dream I was with Terry and we were at his parents house. Terry had used my credit card for purchasing something and upon finding out how much he charged I realized he caused me to overdraw. He just grinned, didn't care about the trouble it caused me, and told me he had no money. I knew he had gotten money from his dad. I asked his dad if he had given Terry money, explaining that Terry had overdrawn my credit card, and that I was paying for everything to support him and his daughter and that he shouldn't given Terry money, but rather would be more helpful if he'd given me the money. Terry's dad started defending Terry and saying mean things to me.

Upon waking, I thought of Terry's daughter and how she will never know, nor believe, what I went through, what her dad did, and how I felt about her. Her legacy is set in the attitudes of her "Pawpaw" and "MawMaw"...I wonder how she is and what she is doing and what she knows.

Wednesday, September 9, 2009


I can't remember the dream I had, but I remember having a dream....

Love this pic and the title serendipitously goes with yesterday's post. This photo was created by Tara Lemana, who is having her first ever public showing in New Zealand, titled "Awake and Dreaming".

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Waking Dreams

When I was a kid I used to have dreams while awake. They weren't ordinary "day dreams"; they were involved and detailed and fantastic as if I was sleeping. I called them "dinks"...dream-thinks.

The picture here is of a bead made by my friend Jodie McDougall called Enchanted Dreams. It represents a lot of my daily wishes in life...waking dreams.

I dream of making beads, beautiful and expressive and unique, every day, every time I sit at the torch. I dream of knowing each type of glass intimately enough that I don't think about it and use it lovingly, knowingly, to its perfect extent.

I dream that all my beads are purchased and that I do not have an overabundance of inventory or glass. I dream of being able to travel the world to visit my bead friends and learn new techniques.

I dream that I can make jewelry with my beads and that I have all the supplies needed and organized and that I love every piece enough to let it go to someone else.

I dream that I have a website that takes care of itself.

I dream that I have a housekeeper and cook to take care of daily chores that I don't have time to do because I'm too busy being artful and dreaming.

I dream, I dream, I dream of many things. But when it comes to art and creativity, mostly I dream of freedom from logical thought, freedom from worldly bounds and criticism, I dream, I dream, I dream to be free.

Sunday, September 6, 2009


Something about skulls in a dream from which I awoke feeling dizzy and in an angry mood. Also something about having surgery. My foot was itching so badly it awakened me.